Today is the day friends.
The big 3-0.
I am excited as I’ve actually been looking forward to it for awhile now.
Mostly, I think it’s because I am hopeful about this new decade, and all that God has in store for me. Even if my list of “things I wanted to do before I turned 30” is still pretty long.
But that list. It has been ever growing since I’ve been a kid, so a few months ago I set a small goal for myself–just a few things from the list I really, really wanted to accomplish before today–but like that heavy list of too many things, neither one of my plans has come to completion because honestly, I fell off the wagon of working towards them. I found myself having a moment last week where I was pretty upset and regretful at once more not finishing my novel because it was just one more thing I didn’t do. One more thing dreamt up and incomplete.
But then I heard the Spirit whispering to me peace, Child as I realized I had fallen into a lie of the enemy, the one that constantly comes up in my life about not being good enough.
But I am good enough. And so are you friend.
In fact, I heard the Spirit continuing to whisper to me this week telling me that my list of creative projects + writings that I’ve started over the last few years and haven’t completed don’t define my worth. Nor do any of the other goals or milestones of life I haven’t crossed yet.
As I grow in decades, I’m learning to see that identity isn’t in what we do or who we are.
I’m preaching to my own heart that identity is in whose we are.
This last decade has been hard as I think the twenties are for most people because it’s supposed to be that time of “figuring yourself out.” You know, when we’re “supposed” to settle into a career, a marriage, a family, etc, etc, etc. But if those are the top three things that I’m supposed to have figured out, I’m currently 1 for 3 for now. So you can see how that way of thinking feeds into the lie that I’m not good enough.
But as far as our society is concerned, we could substitute any sort of age number in that invisible timeline of to-do’s and accomplishments, and when we aren’t meeting them, we’re apt to think we’re not good enough.
How ridiculously unfair is that?
Because the way I see it–I’m just getting started.
After all, Jesus didn’t start His ministry–His life’s work–until he was the big 3-0.
Now Jesus himself was about thirty years old when he began his ministry.
-Luke 3:23, NIV
So this whole first-third of life where we’re supposed to figure everything out–it’s just stepping stones friends.
And it’s time to finally walk towards the path God has laid before us.
See, I feel as if these stepping stones have had me in a space these last few years where I have all these creative and hope-filled ideas and accomplishments I want to pursue–be it a novel I’m writing, a yoga project, a blog, or starting a family–so I start to create, then step forward a bit, then create some more, but then doubt creeps in and ultimately find myself stuck midway through where the lie of not being good enough cracks my stepping stones, and suddenly I find myself sinking, unable to breathe into my creativity and my stories: I stop believing in my art and I stop believing in my design.
For the entirety of my twenties, I’ve been trying to desperately live a creative + meaningful life, stepping from one stone to the next- my marriage, my relationships, my job, my passion for yoga, my art/desire to tell stories–and when I stumble off of one, I cannot see another one in front of me because I fall into the mess of believing if I can’t do one thing very well, how on earth can I do another one?
And the next thing you know, I’m in the bottom of the creek with the lie of I’m not good enough on repeat and struggling with my identity just where Satan wants me.
But something about the big 3-0 has me realizing age really is just a number, not a determiner.
Age really is just a number, not a determiner.
I’m here on the threshold of a new decade. Of such new things and beginnings and when I look past the missed accomplishments of my last decade, I can see all the good that has come from it: how my twenties have brought me to a deeper faith. How they have grown my marriage so much more than I expected. How they have revealed my passions for writing, Holy Yoga, and shown me how to nourish others through both.
And just like Jesus, how they have led me here, to the beginning of my ministry.
All of these stumbles along the stepping stones have strengthened me for the long haul of beginning to understand my original design. And now that I see with such new faith, I feel like this next decade will be about cultivating nourishment for a meaningful life.
I’m honesty not sure what that will look like exactly, but I feel as if that’s the best part of the adventure. Along with finding such a wonder in the fact that this Sunday my church is starting a brand new, sixteen month journey over the life of Jesus.
What a divine appointment this is that as I turn 30, I get to dive into the Word to study and walk alongside the life of Jesus as He begins his ministry just as I feel Him calling me deeper still.